When a parent who was worried out of love meets a teen carrying the weight of expectations, what do they finally understand about each other?
Michael Cegelis, 69, is a father of three who says he and his family are tight knit.
Ava Santana, 13, is the daughter of Filipino American parents, and is being raised in a home where family is a deeply important
Cegelis and Santana bonded over something unexpected… expectations. He said he placed expectations on his children that he himself never faced whileSantana said she feels the weight of those expectations from her family in her own life.
“The social expectations have risen, especially since you see a lot of different people from around the world, like having these luxury lives and stuff like that. Then we're putting a lot of extra pressure on ourselves to meet all those expectations that aren't necessarily always reachable and true for ourselves at the moment,” Santana said. “I think that does play a role, because then we end up burning out, or we just feel like we're not good enough.”
“So you think we expect too much?” Cegelis asked.
Santana said expectations can be healthy, but perfection isn’t something anyone can reasonably reach.
“They're human and you want them to be able to do all these things, even though sometimes it's too much for them,” she said. “It gets tiring.”
“I understand,” Cegelis said, pausing as he took in her words.
Meet Ava Santana
Ava Santana is an eighth grader at Howard Middle School Arts Academy, already building a resume. She’s a member of the National Junior Honor Society and the National Honor Society for Dance Arts, and serves on the Orange County Regional History Center’s inaugural Teen Council.
She said she also has a growing passion for civil rights.
“Exposure to it over the years, from like my mom and my dad and their views on it, kind of helped me shape my passion for it,” Santana said. “Helping other people view the way they see it, and how different people have their different views about what it means to them.”
Santana said one common assumption older generations have about younger people is that they’re “too invested” in their phones, but she disagrees.
“I think what people don't realize sometimes is that for us, it's a lifeline for connection to people that we might not see because, in my experience, one of my closest friends that I had in elementary school, she moved to Minnesota, and so the only way that we can really talk to each other is on the phone,” Santana said.
She said phones also help students keep up with the news and stay on top of homework assignments.
“Obviously, you need to have a stopping point where you know that, okay, I've been on the phone for too much, I need to stop and go outside or have interactions with people outside of just my phone,” Santana said. “In general, I think it's a good thing for people to have to stay connected with other people.”
Meet Michael Cegelis
Cegelis was born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and moved to Florida in 1971.
His career has been in heavy construction and engineering, building large bridges, buildings and most recently the Brightline high speed railroad from Orlando to Miami.
But before Brightline and just out of college Cegelis began working overseas in Iran.
“I was placed in a different environment, working with very different people who had a very different background than me, but who had similar training in terms of engineering,” he said. “This really taught me, and grew in me an interest in the world, and the people that populate this planet, and that really shaped me for the rest of my life.”
Now, after living in America, he said he feels as a country, we’re giving back some of the gains we made.
“It's tough, and I believe we've made a lot of progress, but there's a great deal of progress remaining, certainly in racial relations and inclusion and in providing equal opportunity that our founding fathers determined we should have,” Cegelis said.
However, he said he’s blessed with his family.
“We're all very close and so I'm enjoying a life that I couldn't have scripted better,” Cegelis said.
The Takeaway
The conversation wound down on a note of reflection after Cegelis asked Santana what she believes older generations often don’t understand about being young today.
“I know a lot of people want to have these expectations and experiences at a young age, but in reality, a lot of people probably don't have those until they're a lot older,” Santana said. “Some people just have to work harder for what they want than other people do.”
Cegelis remembered his own teenage years very differently. At 13, he said he didn’t feel worried by much.
“I felt like my life was pretty good,” Cegelis said. “I don't recall at that age thinking much about my future except what was right there visible in front of me.”
That changed once he became a parent.
“I didn't really start worrying until I was an adult and I had kids, and then I worried about them, and probably was guilty of exactly what you were just charging us of,” Cegelis said.
Santana nodded as he continued.
“It came from love,” Cegelis said. “I think it does awaken you to the world, and they have lived through things, and they've maybe been bypassed for opportunities because of something that they didn't do when they were your age, they want to assure that you don't miss that same opportunity.”
